Heartbreak Warfare

I had created this blog with high expectations. It was to be my very own memoir of my time spent in a new country.

It has been three years since I have been here and only sixty-six posts written. Neither of which individually or collectively, accurately describe my journey thus far.

I genuinely believed words flowed out of my pencil/fingers onto paper/screen seamlessly on demand. And believe me, it did, back in the days.

Over the years, it has gotten tougher though. The reasons for which, I figure are:
1. Laziness
2. Lack of time
3. Utter disconnect between moment of thought and moment of capturing the thought
4. Fear of being judged

So, lazyness is entirely beyond my realm of control contrary to popular belief. It strikes without warning, stays as long as a pesky guest would depending on his whims and departs only to leave me bubbling over with pent up energy sufficient to propel myself through the windshield. Hence, this is clearly not the time to be static before a laptop, lest I desire to propel myself through the monitor which is all of 13 inches therefore causing a whole new conundrum, which I am not going to go into right now, because of the aforementioned laziness, which interestingly has not stopped me from writing this long-winded sentence, which of course now I am continuing on with just to see how much longer I can make it, without being entirely meaningless, but seems like I am a genius and hence I shall voluntarily quit while I am head. (Phew)

Lack of time, again is not in my control. I am now employed, which means I have sold my soul for a few hundred dollars and am no longer the master of my ship and owner of my unconquerable soul and such like. So there. I shall only have the time to indulge in such fancy spoils like writing when my boss allows me to.

As for point three, yes, yet again, out of my control. I cannot help it if I have my AHA moments while on a loooooooooooooooooooooong drive or right at the beginning of a looooooooooooooooooooong bath or just when the sandman begins tying his shoelaces. I do not have the will or drive to retain the essence of the thought until I lay my hands on the next typing/uploading device. Also, I am of the opinion that during my lifetime I shall come up with several AHA things and hence since the stock is bountiful, there is no fear of lack of representation.

Point four is a very deep-seated, personal confession. I didn't think I would care, but turns out it does matter. And in an effort to appear "cool" I do not want to turn myself into someone else. Hence, I stopped writing for this judgmental world (I like melodrama).

But now, since this has turned into such a graveyard blog, I doubt anyone remembers it or let alone bothers to read it. Ideal situation for me to run all around the blogosphere and frolic without a care in the world again.

So, I guess what I am trying to say is, I think I want to give this blog one more chance to fulfill it's purpose.

World, hold on, or not, I am back. Kinda. Sorta. Bleh ~

P.S - Title has nothing to do with anything. Just the song on the radio while I was typing this.