Dear Dot - Your first long flight

After months of waiting with mega excitement we are finally here in India.

I was a bit antsy about flying alone with you but it really wasn't too bad. We sat beside this other little girl just a day older than you, Megha. The prettiest little baby girl ever. Throughout the eight hour flight you tried holding her hand and gave her huge, heart melting smiles every time she looked at you. It would have been the cutest thing ever if only she reciprocated. She just played hard to get throughout. But I'm glad to see you are a persistent little fellow. After landing in Bombay she did give you a big smile, but I guess you were done trying by then and just looked away. So that was that!

Dear Dot

You laugh in your sleep. Not like a giggle. A proper laugh, dil se.
May you always be this happy.

You are going through what dad calls a "ninja phase" right now. You have just discovered your voice and this has led to you spending long hours making ninja sounds very loudly. For no reason except because you can.

Some parents might find this cute, your parents are wishing for a speedy transition out of this phase. Not because we don't love you. Because you choose to experiment with vocal modulations at 4:30 am everyday. Till about 6:30 am. Which is the sole reason why I am up writing this now at 6:33 am !

So please. Kung fu no panda no more.

Dear Dot

Although they say one must wait till six months before weaning a baby these days, we have paid no heed to such humbug guidelines and gone ahead and let you have your first taste of baby rice with peaches and pears this Saturday (22/09/2012)!

And since you are an over zealous baby of over ambitious parents you have taken to these new tastes like fish to water. Which is great because at this rate (you are two days in and you are already giving the spoon a licking of a lifetime long after the food is gone) you will be eating kosha mangsho and porota at your official onnoprashon on 8/12/2012 !

I am really excited for you while you start on this gastronomical adventure, Dot ! I wish I could go back to such a time where every spoonful was a new experience !

Here is a picture of all the flavors your dad picked up for you to try and there is a video of you having your first bite so remind us to show you if we forget this one among the many many more firsts we can't wait to share with you :D

That's all folks!

Tom and Jerry have been fighting for the past 60-70 odd years. But they still never left each other.
Turbulence has always been in demand.
Go forth, rock the boat!

Olympics , London 2012

Not sure what was the highlight of this experience.
The fact that we actually went to the Olympics or the fact that we went to the Olympics with our three month old because India losing 2-1 against Korea surely wasn't!

P.S - Dot we had zero plans of taking you along. Had even booked a babysitter. Last minute change of plans and heart ensured your visit. Don't you love us!

Dear Dot

You have no idea how lucky you are. When you had an appointment for your first set of two vaccination shots at 2 months, the nurse decided against giving you the shots because you were not old enough by a few days. So you escaped then only to go back a week later.
We had scheduled your 3 months shots for this Thursday. We woke you up in the morning, readied you and just as we were about to leave we got a call from the Clinic saying the nurse wasn't going to be in and so once again you have escaped!
You are going back on the 14th though...Muhahahahaha (evil laugh)

You should know this, Dot

Me: So what is the one thing that Dot does that you like the most?
Your father: Sleep
Me: (Quickly fires up blog to post this)

London 2012

I would have never imagined that someday I would be in a country which is hosting the Olympics and actually get to be so close to the action!

The equestrian games are happening in Greenwich park, literally outside our house!

Dot, you should know that you were three months old when the Olympics kicked off in London and you and I walked around the greenwich park seeing all the preparations with you in your buggy. Your father and I are going to go see the games. We have tickets for men's field hockey and we are stoked about watching India play South Korea. We would have loved to take you along but you are too tiny and I am certain you will have a long, eventful life where you will also get to witness such historic moments first hand.

Think of us then.

Thoughts after driving test

I passed ! I passed ! More importantly I scored better than Rahul !!!!!

Thoughts before driving test

Driving test in India - yeh suvidha uplabdh nahi hai.
Driving test in Boston - easy peasy.
Driving test in London - poopoo platter.

Thoughts after driving test to follow...

Statutory Warning

Dot, if you grow up and ever find a book called "how to traumatise your children - 7 proven methods to help screw up your kids deliberately and with skill", know that I bought it myself. It wasn't a gift. I'll gift it to you when you have kids.

Also, you should know parents who proclaim their every single, exaggerated emotion related to their kids on social media are nothing like your parents.

Your parents will not be chronically depressed to leave you at your day care and go to work, because your parents are trying to earn a fantastic life and lots of travels for all of us.

Your parents don't have panic attacks every time you go for your vaccinations. They look forward to them to see if you flinch or be brave about it.

Your parents don't treat you like a fragile piece of chinaware or an unique snowflake. They are trying to raise you as a normal, balanced, grounded human being. They hope you acquire sarcasm and a sharp wit along the way.

Someday you will thank them for this. If you don't want to thank them for it then you will just have to deal with their parenting style because you really don't have too many options here.

If this has made you feel scared and unsure of your parent's intentions, they have achieved their goal.

P.S: Your parents love you.

Dear Dot

Congratulations! At almost 2 months old you have discovered your limbs!

You are very excited about your hands and the power of being able to control them. Most of your experiments include pulling your own hair and ears. You have also started trying to eat your whole hand. I guess separating your fingers to suck your thumb requires a little more skill. Your greatest achievement thus far has been to pull out your pacifier and fling it off only to realize a few seconds later what you have done and then bawl about it because now you need me to play fetch.

In a couple of months no doubt you will become an independent little boy and not need me so much but until then I'll continue loving the feeling of you being at my mercy (evil laugh)!

In a few hours you will be going for your first set of immunizations. I'm looking forward to seeing how brave you are :)

Also, you sat in your bath tub for the third time in your entire lifetime yesterday! I wasn't sure how you would react because the last two times you cried. But hey! Turns out you love water now! You sat there quietly and giggled and cooed while your dida bathed you. Good job, puchke! We are planning on taking you swimming soon :D

Who sleeps like a baby?
Not a baby!

Dear Dot

You had your first cut today. Your dida and I were cutting your finger nails and you flinched and managed to cut your right thumb.
I am not squeamish about blood or injections or anything but I may have changed.
Your tiny little cut and the few drops of blood from your thumb was enough to make my heart sink.
I just held you and sat there with tears rolling down my face.
How you have changed me already! I know there will be many more cuts and bruises and I know you are going to be a brave boy. It's just me now that has to stop being such a pansie!

In better news which makes me really really happy, your birth was registered today and dad and I went down to the registrar's office and got your birth certificate today. Only one of of us could sign the certificate and we decided it should be me so yay! Congratulations on becoming a legitimate entity today with paperwork to prove your existence !
Next step getting you a nationality and a passport....

You keep me grounded.
Like fog in an airport.

Dear Dot

Last month at this time we were in the hospital and still clueless about when you would finally show up and here we are now - one month old parents to you!

We celebrated your one month birthday with you and i going off on a long walk by ourselves. With you in the baby carrier I walked all over Blackheath following whichever road took my fancy. It was really quite nice and I hope we can continue with our walks even when you are older and won't allow me to cuddle you or kiss you in public as I did today.

Your father brought home some really pretty cupcakes and very cool pirate candles to celebrate this milestone. Your dida, dad and I celebrated together by blowing off the cutest pirate candle stuck on a cupcake with white icing and sprinkles. You had just finished dinner so didn't look too amused by our antics. That's okay because now we have further proof of how identical you and your dad look with your grumpy faces! (the picture of you two is quite adorable and you must ask me for it in case you don't find it in your baby book)

So happy one month birthday, you little handsome man! As you lie in your cot finally asleep, I wish for you a lifetime of smiles, walks that uplift your spirit and warm and genuine hugs when you need them the most. Big kiss.

A watched pot never boils. A watched baby never sleeps.

Dear Dot

You are 19 days old today and among your latest tricks is whining and grunting like a displeased old man in your sleep! When you are not whining or grunting you sound like a lobster in boiling water. I know it's a mean description but it's really very cute.

Also you sleep with both arms outstretched much like J.C !

P.S - no need to exact revenge when you grow up and read this. You already got your revenge this morning when you poo'ed on my hand while I was changing you! Thanks!

Oh Lord, won't you buy me a Mercedes Benz....Okay!

Sooo we bought a Merc, which showed up the day before our son did.
While driving around trying to figure out all the cool gadgets in the car we realized the SatNav system lady was way nicer and more polite than the Garmin one we used with our Honda.

This SatNav lady has a nicer, calmer voice and she doesn't say "recalculating route" every time you take a wrong turn. She just continues giving you directions until you are back on track without a hint of irritation in her programmed voice.

Rahul says its probably because rich people don't like being told they are wrong. Great insight!

Dear Dot, you are a week old today.

Last Sunday the weather was the same. Grey, rainy. Dad, dida and me were as sleepless then as we are now.

But you are actually with us now!
Physically here in my arms. You are no longer a kick in my rib or a hiccup in my belly. You are an actual person and a really handsome one at that!

Today when I am trying to re-live last Sunday as we anxiously awaited your arrival, it all seems a blur. I cant remember the pain, the fatigue, the fear, the excitement. All of that has been re-written by this one full sleepy-milky daze of a week you have spent with us.

As we try to learn to become your parents, you are probably frustrated at our inability to tell your cries. But be patient with us. We'll get there.

For now we just want you to know, you exhaust us but not as much as you fill our lives with joy.

Welcome to the world :)

In the great waiting game, 26th April won't be remembered as a fun day. More like the pin-that-burst-the-balloon day.

Even the thought of starting a conversation is exhausting. Just not worth the effort when someone has decided to shut you out.

Week 38 chatter

Me: aren't you feeling excited or scared, soon there will be a little guy around who will look up to you for everything.
He: (while playing angry birds - space) there are thousands of things that already look up at me.
Me: (blank)

Last day at work today

This feels very strange. Not sure why. It should feel better than the other times when I stopped working because this time I know I will have a job to go back to. I guess I havent ever had a 8 month vacation before and still had a job to go back to and that boggles my mind.

Right now I am concerned about forgetting everything by the time I get back and of getting dull from not being around work for so long. But I guess being around Dot will enhance a lot of my currently latent or non-existent skills and that will add another facet to my current self. And surely it cant be so bad to feel a little rusty on SPSS when I go back, given how much more I would have gained in the interim break :)

Here is my note to the entire company on my last day before I go on maternity leave. I thought the project number trick was pretty cool. You probably wont even catch it. But I'll still be cool!

[Going on leave for 'Project Baby - P21412']

Hello All,

Today will be my last day before I go on a six month maternity leave. We are expecting our son to arrive on the 21^st of this month and will be counting down the next few days with much excitement and anxiety.

Happy Easter to all and I will see you on the other side :)

Best wishes.

Dear Dot

People have started placing bets on your arrival, I will have you know. Your expected date of arrival is April 21st.

Your father thinks you will be here on April 8th.
Your nani thinks you will be here on April 14th-15th (she is cheating and picking two dates while the rest of us get one).
Your nana thinks you will be here on April 19th.
I think you will be here on April 21st-22nd (I am my mother's daughter after all, hence I'm also cheating).

I will have you know, there is money involved in these bets so please pick your arrival date post much deliberation .

See you then.

Baby steps

Kept pushing off packing my hospital bag or building Dot's cot bed even though everyone has been telling me otherwise.

37weeks today and decided its finally time after all. The angelic white cot bed is made. Dot's Dad and Nani built it this afternoon while I ironed all the bed sheets, blankets, swaddles, baby cloths and burp cloths I could find. This is probably the nesting urge they talk off at the end of your pregnancy.

Feeling most accomplished and prepared now!

Still need to figure out child rearing now since the child bearing phase is pretty much over and done with but then again......baby steps!

Dear Dot

You are full term today! Can't wait to meet you :)

Love,
Me

P.S: we promise to make your cot bed this weekend, so just wait till Monday before showing up, yeah?
P.P.S: I officially go on leave starting 5th April, and won't go back to work till January next year! I love you already :D

Unbelievable how mothers make everything okay just by showing up.
I wonder if Dot will think the same about me.

Being positive is hard work

Found myself surrounded by negative people today. People who have given up before game day.

Maybe they are right to say there is no prize for volunteering to deal with pain when there are relief options handy. But what makes them so sure that the pain will be so unbearable to begin with?

I firmly and increasingly believe in being positive and that the human mind is a fascinating piece of equipment which can exaggerate your tiniest fears or minimize your biggest fears depending on how you manage your mind in trying times. But you have to at least give it a chance to begin with!

Why are we so dependent on medical intervention, having totally given up on your body's natural ability to cope?

Im willing to give my mind and body a shot to do what they are naturally programmed to do.

Sending happy and positive thoughts your way dot, as game day approaches ! We'll be fine :D

Breathe in. Breathe out.

Ante-natal class big tip - don't focus and worry too much about labour and childbirth. Focus on what comes after those few hours of discomfort. A lifetime of experiences no one can coach you for.

Comforting, in a strange way.

Don't get the forced stereotypes for kids. Impossible to not buy something blue for boys. Girls must wear pink. Boys must play hard and scars are good for character. Girls must be protected like rare orchids and be blemish free. Boys need less taking care of. Girls need borderline paranoid parents.
Who made these rules? Is it necessary to be this way to fit in?
Sorry Dot, you will be wearing yellows and greens while I am still the one deciding.

Dear Dot

You kicked the laptop off my tummy while I tried playing some rabindrasangeet to you.

I'll just get used to it. Not expecting you to like anything your parents like for the first two decades of your life. That is what cool kids do. Rebel.

Sometimes when nothing can make it better, sleep it off.

Everybody needs that one person who will switch off the ceiling fan when the shit is about to hit it.

Good thing I found mine a while back.

Dear Dot

We have started looking at day care nurseries for you and we saw the first one yesterday. It's called head start nursery and you will be pleased to know if you survive the wait list and do land up going here, you will be eating raw carrot sticks and capsicum slices for snacks and you will be taught to scrub your plate and put it away after every meal from the ripe age of 2!

We are very excited about this training programme that will make you our little house-elf :D

P.S - In case you haven't read/seen the Harry Potter series, this is what we mean by house-elf - A house-elf is a magical creature which is devoted and loyal to the one designated as their master. They serve wizards and witches, and must do everything that their masters command unless they are freed. A house-elf can only be freed when his master presents him with clothes like a sock or hat.

Greedy

Everytime we find a series that we both like, we watch it like a marathon series until there are no more episodes left and once again we are stuck with nothing to watch.

Did it with Spartacus, Rome, deadliest catch, californication, mad men, suits, game of thrones, the good wife.

Now we have nothing to watch. Again.

Dear Dot

I want to remember how excited I feel today about having you in a couple of months. For no reason, just very happy and cheery today.

I want to remember this feeling when you are being difficult or cranky or just a brat.

So putting it down here as a note to self: remember how happy and excited you felt on 13th January 2012 about Dot's arrival.

Post note question to self: is it dot's arrival or the toast and eggs and the fact that it's Friday the 13th which is making you happy and excited?

Post question answer to self: it's probably dot.

Impending parenthood lessons - 1

Daycare is a fancy way of getting on a waitlist to blow up ones life savings.

Great marketing lesson in there.

Proshno gulo shohoj, aar uttor o to jana

Heard this line again while listening to Suman after ages today.

Good thing to remember when one is faced with questions which require you to choose between what you want and what you should do.

I'm slowly trying to bridge the gap between the two. Having to grow up very quickly.

Parenthood is a tough teacher and Dot isn't even here yet!

What was your purpose ?

I love saving notepads and journals that I really like so they are never full and unusable. I don't know why I do it. As a kid I saved my favourite pencils and scented erasers. I guess I'm a hoarder but I will call myself a preserver.

I had a lovely recycled paper diary with a tie around cover which I was saving forever until one day I found myself filling it up with rants about moving to London, our new couch not fitting in our apartment here and how I loved our house in Chestnut Hill, Boston so much more. When my writing frenzy finally broke in the middle of a sentence I realized I had used up my pretty diary and stopped writing immediately. The story remains unfinished and the diary half full.

Another notepad I was saving was my graduate college notepad which I got on our first day at school. I guess I was saving that as a memory of leaving India, moving to the US.

Today I found myself filling it in with information about nurseries for Dot! Who knew this is what it would be used for 4 years back! I am thoroughly amused at watching my preserved possessions achieve their purpose in life eventually. I think I will save this notepad for Dot to see what a caring mom I am to use up my precious notepad for him :)