How do you stop sand from slipping through your fingers ?
The tighter you grip it, the quicker it slips until only a little bit remains. And you wonder why you were holding on so tightly in the first place.
You really don't care for those few grains sand.
You want the whole beach.
So I guess it is better to just let go.
Thursday, 13 December 2007
Monday, 3 December 2007
Tuesday, 27 November 2007
Internal State Of Turmoil
Team dynamics is a funny thing. The bearer of intellect and the bearer of organisation and formatting get defined in the first week.
The bearer/s of intellect burn the midnight oil and create magic - like the crucial background score in a silent movie. They remain the unsung heroes.
The bearer/s of organisation and formatting seem like the all important entity to the naive. Surprisingly, a lot of my world right now is naive in this regard.
Funny how distribution of praise and credit is strictly based on how loud your trumpet is.
Must learn soon. Must get a trumpet.
The bearer/s of intellect burn the midnight oil and create magic - like the crucial background score in a silent movie. They remain the unsung heroes.
The bearer/s of organisation and formatting seem like the all important entity to the naive. Surprisingly, a lot of my world right now is naive in this regard.
Funny how distribution of praise and credit is strictly based on how loud your trumpet is.
Must learn soon. Must get a trumpet.
Sunday, 25 November 2007
What's the good answer ?
There are essay type questions. There are short answers. And then there are multiple choice questions.
When I was in school, most of the exam was dominated by essay type questions. The number of supplements taken and the bruised fingers counted for more than the marks. And thus I flourished under the system, pouring my heart out, letting my active imagination have total control over my fountain pen.
Here in grad school, they demand short answers. I cannot write short answers. I cannot convey my idea in 100 words. At least not under a time limit. Who knew being brief and simple could cause so much grief ?! And elaborateness could be so effortless and comforting ?!
If short answers didn't muddle me enough, multiple choice questions came along and completely got my goat ! Every time I see a multiple choice question I can almost see the underlying fine print - "I know you have no clue, but wait, how about one more alternative?"
I am not sure if this is an upbringing issue, or a spatio-temporal issue, or an excess baggage issue but I know that this is definitely becoming an ego issue.
Stand back, I am going crisp and meaningful.
When I was in school, most of the exam was dominated by essay type questions. The number of supplements taken and the bruised fingers counted for more than the marks. And thus I flourished under the system, pouring my heart out, letting my active imagination have total control over my fountain pen.
Here in grad school, they demand short answers. I cannot write short answers. I cannot convey my idea in 100 words. At least not under a time limit. Who knew being brief and simple could cause so much grief ?! And elaborateness could be so effortless and comforting ?!
If short answers didn't muddle me enough, multiple choice questions came along and completely got my goat ! Every time I see a multiple choice question I can almost see the underlying fine print - "I know you have no clue, but wait, how about one more alternative?"
I am not sure if this is an upbringing issue, or a spatio-temporal issue, or an excess baggage issue but I know that this is definitely becoming an ego issue.
Stand back, I am going crisp and meaningful.
Friday, 16 November 2007
Hero, Villain, Vindicator, Victim
Hero (n): a mythological or legendary figure often of divine descent endowed with great strength or ability; a man admired for his achievements and noble qualities; an illustrious warrior; one that shows great courage.
Villain (n): a deliberate scoundrel or criminal; a character in a story or play who opposes the hero; one blamed for a particular evil or difficulty.
Vindicator (n): challenger; avenger; defender; endorser, expounder; protector; vanquisher; warrior.
Victim (n): an unfortunate person who suffers from some adverse circumstance; a person who is tricked, swindled, or taken advantage of.
What about a hero for the wrong cause ?
What about a villain for the right cause ?
Do you need to be a vindicator to be a hero ?
Do you have to be a victim to be vindicated ?
Are definitions written in stone ?
Are we supposed to re-evaluate ?
Is someone supposed to let us know ?
Villain (n): a deliberate scoundrel or criminal; a character in a story or play who opposes the hero; one blamed for a particular evil or difficulty.
Vindicator (n): challenger; avenger; defender; endorser, expounder; protector; vanquisher; warrior.
Victim (n): an unfortunate person who suffers from some adverse circumstance; a person who is tricked, swindled, or taken advantage of.
What about a hero for the wrong cause ?
What about a villain for the right cause ?
Do you need to be a vindicator to be a hero ?
Do you have to be a victim to be vindicated ?
Are definitions written in stone ?
Are we supposed to re-evaluate ?
Is someone supposed to let us know ?
Wednesday, 31 October 2007
Joys of a Live-in-chat-relationship
Priyanka:
yell at them
tell them to go die
tell them tell them
why aren't u responding
might it be that u r ignoring me
what could it be that is more interesting than me
do i hear footsteps
no
i hear a voice
why ask when u can read
i see u have muted ur system
still no reply
oh...it's not on mute
oh...maybe it is
tricky tricky
ugh
rahulgera@gmail.com is offline and can't receive messages right now.
Sent at 10:49 PM on Wednesday
Priyanka:
ok, i guess you are not playing
rahulgera@gmail.com is offline and can't receive messages right now.
yell at them
tell them to go die
tell them tell them
why aren't u responding
might it be that u r ignoring me
what could it be that is more interesting than me
do i hear footsteps
no
i hear a voice
why ask when u can read
i see u have muted ur system
still no reply
oh...it's not on mute
oh...maybe it is
tricky tricky
ugh
rahulgera@gmail.com is offline and can't receive messages right now.
Sent at 10:49 PM on Wednesday
Priyanka:
ok, i guess you are not playing
rahulgera@gmail.com is offline and can't receive messages right now.
Sunday, 28 October 2007
Oh Lord, Why My Life Doth Sucketh So ?
First you let me believe it was a breeze and then you planted me in the eye of the tornado.
Papers, pencils are flying at me from every direction. My calculator is delirious from all the accounting. My laptop has started making PowerPoint presentations automatically on start up.
My iPod lost all its music because I had to reload iTunes on my new laptop.
Spending six hours on group work and accomplishing nothing juxtaposed against me working by myself the next day and finishing more work in less time makes me very mad and plants images of a fork-weapon in my devious brain.
I understand you made the universe so that bad things happen to good people. But really now, who are we kidding, you know I am no good.
So cut me some slack, will ya ?!
Thank You.
Best,
Me
Thursday, 25 October 2007
Sunday, 21 October 2007
I am on to you...I know it is a build up.
You wont know where it will come from. You wont expect it.
If you are clairvoyant, maybe you'll feel the deviation in the sweeping winds and sunny rains. But you wont experience it until later.
It will surprise you. It might make you smile in initial child-like wonder.
Slowly it will leave you defenseless, filled with restless agitation.
You will try to make sense of it, or maybe you will try reverse psychology by not acknowledging it.
Either ways, you will boink your head and wonder how you missed the signposts on the road to this catastrophe.
You may try to fight it, but it is futile. You know that. And so it further irritates you.
You will reach your breaking point. You will lose control. You will weep into your pillow.
I am on to you. I know it is a build up.
I will not allow you to snow on my parade by flooring me with your pretty pretty fall colours.
If you are clairvoyant, maybe you'll feel the deviation in the sweeping winds and sunny rains. But you wont experience it until later.
It will surprise you. It might make you smile in initial child-like wonder.
Slowly it will leave you defenseless, filled with restless agitation.
You will try to make sense of it, or maybe you will try reverse psychology by not acknowledging it.
Either ways, you will boink your head and wonder how you missed the signposts on the road to this catastrophe.
You may try to fight it, but it is futile. You know that. And so it further irritates you.
You will reach your breaking point. You will lose control. You will weep into your pillow.
I am on to you. I know it is a build up.
I will not allow you to snow on my parade by flooring me with your pretty pretty fall colours.
Thursday, 18 October 2007
Daily Dose of Bla
Your fingertips across my skin
The palm trees swaying in the wind
Images
You sang me Spanish lullabies
The sweetest sadness in your eyes
Clever trick
Well, I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me
[Chorus]
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do
We walked along a crowded street
You took my hand and danced with me
Images
And when you left, you kissed my lips
You told me you would never, never forget
These images
No
Well, I'd never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me
[Chorus]
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do
I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot drive the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind
So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine
Did I make it that
Easy to walk right in and out
Of my life?
[Chorus]
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should have known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do
Monday, 15 October 2007
Tuesday, 9 October 2007
Discovered a new theater near home which plays independent cinema. Very 'Meghraaj' movie hall type feel.
They play old Hindi music while the audience fills in.
Songs that wouldn't bother me two months back, haunt me now.
The wise men were right, culture only kicks in when you are six feet off the ground.
They play old Hindi music while the audience fills in.
Songs that wouldn't bother me two months back, haunt me now.
The wise men were right, culture only kicks in when you are six feet off the ground.
Read my mind...
The PA system in the subway cars have found a way to seep into my brain through the path of least resistance and read my intentions.
Every time the elves in my brain headquarters wish for a cigarette during the train ride, the PA system announces "NO SMOKING IN THE TRAIN, PLEASE".
Every time the elves in my brain headquarters wish for a cigarette during the train ride, the PA system announces "NO SMOKING IN THE TRAIN, PLEASE".
Monday, 27 August 2007
56 Hours For The Price Of 16
The thought of recounting the whole episode tires me. So I will bulet it.
1. Went to Al Italia counter to check for flight details
2. Was told the flight is cancelled because it is 'broken'
3. Stood in line for 2 hours trying to figure my life out
4. Counter bloke woman took 30 minutes per person to finally tell them, "but I can't do nothing"
5. Watched 3 flights to JFK take off because the Al Italia staff is thicker than the banyan tree in my grandfather's farm house
6. Got to the front of the counter
7. No solution provided
8. Was told to live at the airport as I had no visa to get out
9. Was given meal coupons to survive
10. Felt like a beggar on ration
11. Uncomfortable chairs
12. A bunch of cotton balls called a 'pillow' and a square rag for a blanket
13. Empty airport
14. 5 of us
15. Day break. New hopes
16. Flight to JFK at 1000 hours
17. Realise mid flight that connecting flight to Boston is booked for the next day by counter bloke woman
18. Cursed in Hindi
19. Landed in JFK
20. One and half hours to clear Immigration and Customs
21. Immigration guy thinks I look pretty
22. Collect luggage - 32 kgs each
23. Find Al Italia counter
24. Scream about wanting to go to Boston NOW
25. Get booked on a flight to Boston NOW
26. Run from international arrival terminal to domestic departure terminal 3
27. Feel thin. And breathless.
28. Elbow people throw security check
29. Run/Skid through airport with my magic socks. No time to wear sneakers. Oh, in America they think we are getting in ammunition/diseases/narcotics in our shoes.
30. Miss the flight
31. JFK airport too big to make it for a flight NOW
32. Get re-booked on 0420 flight
33. Ask for a window seat. Delta guy laughs at me, and then tells me I am Priyanka Chopra. (ahem, holding breath, tucking tummy in, going blue *beeble*)
34. Get on flight
35. Land in Boston Logan Airport at 1800 hours on August 26, 2007 - 56 hours later
36. See Rahul
37. Happy happy happy
38. Baggage still in JFK
39. Ugh Ugh Ugh
40. Go home
41. Sleep
1. Went to Al Italia counter to check for flight details
2. Was told the flight is cancelled because it is 'broken'
3. Stood in line for 2 hours trying to figure my life out
4. Counter bloke woman took 30 minutes per person to finally tell them, "but I can't do nothing"
5. Watched 3 flights to JFK take off because the Al Italia staff is thicker than the banyan tree in my grandfather's farm house
6. Got to the front of the counter
7. No solution provided
8. Was told to live at the airport as I had no visa to get out
9. Was given meal coupons to survive
10. Felt like a beggar on ration
11. Uncomfortable chairs
12. A bunch of cotton balls called a 'pillow' and a square rag for a blanket
13. Empty airport
14. 5 of us
15. Day break. New hopes
16. Flight to JFK at 1000 hours
17. Realise mid flight that connecting flight to Boston is booked for the next day by counter bloke woman
18. Cursed in Hindi
19. Landed in JFK
20. One and half hours to clear Immigration and Customs
21. Immigration guy thinks I look pretty
22. Collect luggage - 32 kgs each
23. Find Al Italia counter
24. Scream about wanting to go to Boston NOW
25. Get booked on a flight to Boston NOW
26. Run from international arrival terminal to domestic departure terminal 3
27. Feel thin. And breathless.
28. Elbow people throw security check
29. Run/Skid through airport with my magic socks. No time to wear sneakers. Oh, in America they think we are getting in ammunition/diseases/narcotics in our shoes.
30. Miss the flight
31. JFK airport too big to make it for a flight NOW
32. Get re-booked on 0420 flight
33. Ask for a window seat. Delta guy laughs at me, and then tells me I am Priyanka Chopra. (ahem, holding breath, tucking tummy in, going blue *beeble*)
34. Get on flight
35. Land in Boston Logan Airport at 1800 hours on August 26, 2007 - 56 hours later
36. See Rahul
37. Happy happy happy
38. Baggage still in JFK
39. Ugh Ugh Ugh
40. Go home
41. Sleep
Early Morning Scribbles
Reached Airporti Di Milano at 0640 hours thus completing the first leg of my journey. The flight landed before time. Passengers clapped. Everyone giggled. The 'made in Italy' people went berserk adding 'o's' at the end of every word.
With the next flight scheduled at 1040 hours, I settled down and picked up a few 'hints and proposals' form to scribble. Here is how it went...
0710 hours
Recollections of last night - I am so glad Debbie, Pipi, Nishith, Vaibhav, Aman & Mallu came to see me off. It made the 'going-away' less traumatic and full of guffaws till the end. I hope Ma gets happy soon. I know it will take her a while to get used to me being so far away, but I am sure she will bounce right back. For Debbie I wish all the luck in the world and pray she finds her 'road' soon. It amuses me at times to feel so protective about her but I am and I think I will be, for a while. Kevin and Aman, lovable, huggable, dependable. I hope we stay in touch to laugh at, with each other.
0745 hours
Waiting for 'them' to announce the gate number for my flight to Boston. Sittitng around by myself in a relatively empty airport scribbling on suggestion forms and looking at random people is quite the fun.
0800 hours
(On learning my flight to Boston is cancelled) Ok, so this is not that much fun.
With the next flight scheduled at 1040 hours, I settled down and picked up a few 'hints and proposals' form to scribble. Here is how it went...
0710 hours
Recollections of last night - I am so glad Debbie, Pipi, Nishith, Vaibhav, Aman & Mallu came to see me off. It made the 'going-away' less traumatic and full of guffaws till the end. I hope Ma gets happy soon. I know it will take her a while to get used to me being so far away, but I am sure she will bounce right back. For Debbie I wish all the luck in the world and pray she finds her 'road' soon. It amuses me at times to feel so protective about her but I am and I think I will be, for a while. Kevin and Aman, lovable, huggable, dependable. I hope we stay in touch to laugh at, with each other.
0745 hours
Waiting for 'them' to announce the gate number for my flight to Boston. Sittitng around by myself in a relatively empty airport scribbling on suggestion forms and looking at random people is quite the fun.
0800 hours
(On learning my flight to Boston is cancelled) Ok, so this is not that much fun.
You Say Goodbye, I Say Hello
My farewell party started on July 31, 2007 and climaxed on August 24, 2007 at the Chatrapati Shivaji International airport, Mumbai.
Every party was a whole new wave of emotions - pools of sorrow, waves of joy. The end of every party left me depressed. I started missing people, places, things even before I left them. Still, days went by...every early morning pre-sleep haze ended with excitement about the next day's plans.
August 23, 2007 hit me hard. Ma took leave to stay home with me and help me pack. Something was different about her today. She was being extra chirpy, and giggly. She usually does this when she is trying to cover up her sadness. At different times of the day, both her and me got a little teary eyed. By day end, I was depressed and questioning the move.
Sleep a perchance to dream. Sleep a perchance to re-evaluate. Woke up on the 24th feeling mighty pleased and gung-ho about leaving. A change is always and opportunity to explore a new facet, take chances...exactly what I needed.
Dad had a sad-phase around late afternoon, but then he got fine when I taught him to use Skype.
Debbie came home in the evening. Priyo came over after that. All of us drove to the airport together. Debbie and I giggled aimlessly and acted silly one last time...at least for a bit.
At the airport, Kevin and Aman (who professed undying love and got all senti, I'm guessing it was a 'rebound' act post the recent break up) came with garlands and flowers and did what they do best - embarrass me in public. Ma distributed Cadbury's to everyone around. Nishith and Vaibhav imparted serious 'family' advice. Dad grinned while sipping his chai.
A few tiny hiccups (a scissor in my bag - own up Debbie and I won't bite your ankle the next time I see you) and farewell phone calls (Lord Dudely, I hope you've not gone bald wondering how what will happen to us now) later I was air borne and super pleased with my window seat. Heard the Amelie soundtrack while take off (as usual). Felt nice.
And then I slept. Dreamt of seeing Rahul in 16 hours and how it would be when I will spot him among the crowd while trying to manoeuvre my trolley out of the arrival gate...(tich tich...pseudo romantic behaviour *beeble*)
Every party was a whole new wave of emotions - pools of sorrow, waves of joy. The end of every party left me depressed. I started missing people, places, things even before I left them. Still, days went by...every early morning pre-sleep haze ended with excitement about the next day's plans.
August 23, 2007 hit me hard. Ma took leave to stay home with me and help me pack. Something was different about her today. She was being extra chirpy, and giggly. She usually does this when she is trying to cover up her sadness. At different times of the day, both her and me got a little teary eyed. By day end, I was depressed and questioning the move.
Sleep a perchance to dream. Sleep a perchance to re-evaluate. Woke up on the 24th feeling mighty pleased and gung-ho about leaving. A change is always and opportunity to explore a new facet, take chances...exactly what I needed.
Dad had a sad-phase around late afternoon, but then he got fine when I taught him to use Skype.
Debbie came home in the evening. Priyo came over after that. All of us drove to the airport together. Debbie and I giggled aimlessly and acted silly one last time...at least for a bit.
At the airport, Kevin and Aman (who professed undying love and got all senti, I'm guessing it was a 'rebound' act post the recent break up) came with garlands and flowers and did what they do best - embarrass me in public. Ma distributed Cadbury's to everyone around. Nishith and Vaibhav imparted serious 'family' advice. Dad grinned while sipping his chai.
A few tiny hiccups (a scissor in my bag - own up Debbie and I won't bite your ankle the next time I see you) and farewell phone calls (Lord Dudely, I hope you've not gone bald wondering how what will happen to us now) later I was air borne and super pleased with my window seat. Heard the Amelie soundtrack while take off (as usual). Felt nice.
And then I slept. Dreamt of seeing Rahul in 16 hours and how it would be when I will spot him among the crowd while trying to manoeuvre my trolley out of the arrival gate...(tich tich...pseudo romantic behaviour *beeble*)
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